COMRADE BERNIE

Let me begin by apologizing to my good friends who are obsessed with electing Bernie Sanders to the presidency of the United States.  I know you’re not going to like what follows, but I have to do it in all good conscience.

I’ve stated repeatedly that I have no problem with Bernie’s policies, and as someone who’s traveled widely I know the rest of the world has what he wants for America.

My problem is that in my opinion he has as much chance of implementing these policies if elected president as Donald Trump has of building a 50-foot wall around the border and forcing Mexico to pay for it.

And I’m worried that if he gets the nomination he’ll lose the general election, and that would cost us three seats on the Supreme Court.  A Republican president would appoint three more justices like Antonin Scalia, and that would send us back to the Dark Ages.

Bernie’s supporters, (I call them Berniacs) keep pointing to polls that show him beating potential Republican nominees—Trump, Cruz, or Kasich— by a wide margin, making him a viable alternative to Hillary Clinton.

Last Sunday on “Meet the Press” Bernie cited these polls, and it’s obvious he’s become a true believer in them.  But these polls are meaningless because the GOP is so convinced that Hillary will be the nominee they haven’t attacked Bernie and have barely paid him any attention.  All their firepower has been directed at Mrs. Clinton.

So what happens if Mr. Sanders gets the nomination?

Now I’m not the wittiest guy in America (maybe in the top ten, definitely the top five in terms of humility), but if I were a Republican hired to advise Donald Trump on what to say in his campaign against Senator Sanders, the first thing I’d tell him to do is refer to his opponent as “Comrade Bernie” and never stop calling him that until the November election.  That would definitely stick, and the Democratic nominee in a short time would be known only by that nickname.

This is an allusion to Comrade Bernie’s self-described socialist identification.  If half of America still believes that Barack Obama is a Muslim born in Kenya, how can they understand the differences between socialism, a social democracy, and communism?

Answer:  it couldn’t be explained in a thousand years, let alone between July and November.

Mr. Trump would be the best at riffing on the Comrade Bernie meme.  How about Fidel Sanders, Che Sanders, Chairman Bernie (after Chairman Mao), or Ho Chi Sanders?  In a debate The Donald could ask Bernie if Karl Marx is Groucho’s younger or older brother.

Donald could tell Bernie to run for president of Cuba when he loses the US election.   It’s the only country where the leadership is older than he is.  Raul Castro is 84 and Fidel is 89.

Mr. Trump has already called Senator Sanders “my communist friend.” It would devolve into a circus with Bernie spending all his time denying this accusation.   The question “when did you stop beating your wife” will become “when did you stop being a commie?”  “Commie” and “pinko” will become part of the American lexicon, as it was in the 1950’s.

Democrats have much better shot at the brass ring with Hillary Clinton.

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